It’s All Straightforward

There are many things I don’t understand. Many things.

I would love to try explaining smart phones to my grandmother. One time I asked her, “Do you know what you call a cow with no legs?”

“No,” she said.

“Ground beef.”

She laughed politely. Grandma was like that.

Several weeks later I asked, “What do you call a cow with no legs?”

“Hamburger!” she said. All of a sudden she started laughing and crying. “I just got it! Ground beef! Hamburger!” She wet herself.

I had to ask my grandson to set up my smart phone. I remember when Disney demonstrated a telephone with a screen showing the person calling. Church folk were sure it was demonic.

I don’t understand “It’s all straightforward.” I hear people say it a lot. It’s like starting a sentence with, “So”. Lots of people do that, too.

“So, we went on vacation and forgot to take our suitcases.”

“So, last week I went to the dentist.”

“So, I’m thinking about planting a garden this year.”

Lots of people end sentences with “so”.

“I made scalloped potatoes for the church potluck, so.” It’s like they’re waiting for the person to respond during the “so”, to give them time to ammend what they’re saying if they need to.

I really don’t understand “It’s all straightforward”.

Anyone who lives in the thumb of Michigan knows nothing is straightforward. You can’t get anywhere in the thumb without going somewhere else to start your trip.

Straightforward instructions: “Connect part “A” to part “B” while holding part “C” just under part “A” and twist part “B” 90 degrees clockwise after attaching part “C”. Set aside. Take six 2cm “star screws” and turn them slightly into part “D”. Do not tighten until part “E” is finished and attached to assembly “ABC”. It’s all straightforward.”

So, I guess I don’t have to understand it.

It’s all straightforward, so.

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